Here’s the update on the rat thing. From before.
Turns out, I love this rat. I decided to keep him as my pet. (Oh yeah, he’s a boy— I first mistook his oversized testicles for freakishly swollen labia. I wasn’t paying much attention to his genitalia, to be honest). I went out and bought a nice cage for him and soft cotton bedding and little toys and a hammock. I got rat food in several variations in case he didn’t like one of them. I named him Rat. I taught him tricks, like to give me a little lick on my cheek when I say “kiss.” He’s the best.
I continued doing research on rats and what they need and like. They are highly social creatures, and I worried that my beloved blind little baby was lonely. So, after Thanksgiving, I bought a new, triple-decker cage that probably takes up half the bedroom, a large exercise wheel, and another, smaller male rat, who I named Bundy (after Ted or Al, reader’s choice). And now I’m Rat Girl.
Rat routinely asserts his dominance over Bundy in what may fly for heterosexual in the rat world, but not in the human domain. Rat constantly pins Bundy to the ground and vigorously licks his genitals while Bundy squeaks (in protest or pleasure, I do not know— he has not confided in me). Bundy’s personality is much more timid than the aggressive, asshole behavior Rat displays. Rat tore a hoodie half to shreds when it was mistakenly left next to his cage. The cage was closed at the time— he simply pulled the sleeve in through the wire as far as he could and let his violent freak flag fly. It’s now known as the RatShirt. Rat has a weird habit of biting me when I wear tight clothing, I assume because he is a protective, puritanical pet. I have some concerns that Bundy was mistreated at the pet store, because he is shy and easily startled; however, he loves to crawl into the RatShirt’s soft front pocket and nap. He’s difficult to feed because of his reserved nature, but Rat always takes two food pellets and drops one to Bundy. (It’s so fucking cute.)
The rats are currently suffering from a cold and I am feeding them banana-flavored antibiotics on a regular schedule. Their sneezing is adorable but highly upsetting. I’m so in love with them that I wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares that they’ve been kidnapped and need to crawl out of bed to make sure they’re still snuggled together, Bundy on his back, paws flailing in his little rat dreams, while Rat stands guard over his balls.
The snake has made a full recovery.
Now you know everything.